Heartbreak... once again.
But whatelse is new.
And no one really cares it seems.
Everyone says, "it will be ok, maybe he just wasnt the right one, maybe he just wasnt ready."
I can't hear that one more time.
I hate being without him.
I am completely heartbroken.
Shattered.
I feel alone.
I feel lost.
I feel helpless.
I want to fight to get it back.
I want him to see how wonderful we were.
I want so much more than this empty feeling I am left with.
I want to feel like someone cares about me.
About my feelings and what is going on with me.
I want to be loved.
I thought I was.
Apparently not.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Help... I need somebody...
I do not know if anyone even reads this anymore but I am taking this moment to vent...
I am so overwhelmed right now I can't stand it, and I feel like I have no where to turn. I am used to being the one to help everyone in their time of need, or even when they don't need it. I am okay with it, and I usually try not to put my problems on someone else but I need advice from someone and I can not seem to get it. There are so many other things going on that I have just put off dealing with my own things for so long. I am so over my head in bills and money issues that I have actually had to contemplate quitting school for a while to work 2 full time jobs just to get caught up. I already work two jobs, which I thought was working hard enough but apparently it is not good enough. I work a combined 60 hours between my two jobs a week plus spend 6 hours in classes and about another 15 hours a week on homework... that doesn't leave much time to do anything. I am so sick of the constant run around, I just want to lock my door, shut off my phone and lay in the dark for 24 hours without a single interruption. I am tired all the time and yet I still manage to push through everyday and usually get quite a few things accomplished. Yet why do I still feel like such a failure and such a loser. I give advice to people when they come to me and yet I can not even control my own life. Where do I go? Where do I turn? How do I get out of this hole I seem to have dug myself into?
As the Beatles said : "Help me if you can, I'm feeling down And I do appreciate you being round.Help me, get my feet back on the ground,Won't you please, please help me".... I down the end of ropes, I need to figure out how to get my head back above the water. I have put off helping myself for so long (which I told myself after J and I broke up that I would put only myself first and I didn't... obviously) I have to start concentrating on how to help myself and get out of this hole.
I am happy though to report that my sister told me yesterdat that she is expecting a LITTLE GIRL! I am going to have a niece/goddaughter! I can not wait to meet her! March will not come soon enough!!
I am so overwhelmed right now I can't stand it, and I feel like I have no where to turn. I am used to being the one to help everyone in their time of need, or even when they don't need it. I am okay with it, and I usually try not to put my problems on someone else but I need advice from someone and I can not seem to get it. There are so many other things going on that I have just put off dealing with my own things for so long. I am so over my head in bills and money issues that I have actually had to contemplate quitting school for a while to work 2 full time jobs just to get caught up. I already work two jobs, which I thought was working hard enough but apparently it is not good enough. I work a combined 60 hours between my two jobs a week plus spend 6 hours in classes and about another 15 hours a week on homework... that doesn't leave much time to do anything. I am so sick of the constant run around, I just want to lock my door, shut off my phone and lay in the dark for 24 hours without a single interruption. I am tired all the time and yet I still manage to push through everyday and usually get quite a few things accomplished. Yet why do I still feel like such a failure and such a loser. I give advice to people when they come to me and yet I can not even control my own life. Where do I go? Where do I turn? How do I get out of this hole I seem to have dug myself into?
As the Beatles said : "Help me if you can, I'm feeling down And I do appreciate you being round.Help me, get my feet back on the ground,Won't you please, please help me".... I down the end of ropes, I need to figure out how to get my head back above the water. I have put off helping myself for so long (which I told myself after J and I broke up that I would put only myself first and I didn't... obviously) I have to start concentrating on how to help myself and get out of this hole.
I am happy though to report that my sister told me yesterdat that she is expecting a LITTLE GIRL! I am going to have a niece/goddaughter! I can not wait to meet her! March will not come soon enough!!
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